Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
