he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
