shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
