maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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