I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
