i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
