ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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