The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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