I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
