I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
