My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
