I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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