I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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