There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
