for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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