But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
