i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
