At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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