Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
