Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
