What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
