sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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