I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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