He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
