i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
