Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
