so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
