I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
