Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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