Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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