I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
