the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
