I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize