i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize