Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
