Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
