why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
