nutella sex= disaster
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
