I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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