Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
