How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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