i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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