im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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