My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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