Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
