sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
