i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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