dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How does one acquire holy water?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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