so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
