now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
