Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
