In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
