Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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