At least make sure they are 18
Why
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
