How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
