Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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