I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
