I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
