then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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