I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize