He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
