theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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