He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
