Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
