We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
