So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
