Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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