I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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