she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
