idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize