I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
