You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
