Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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