totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
