Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
