Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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