ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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