She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
