Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
