With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
