I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
