she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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