You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I believe in your delicious
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