I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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